My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you doing well. It’s only nine days until Christmas, and eight until Christmas Eve. I hope your elves have all the toys built and the sleigh ready to go for your big night.

I was wondering Santa, why is it you never eat the cookies or drink the milk I leave out for you at my house. Is it because you are already full from all the other houses? Perhaps if you took just one small bite and one small sip and every house then you would have room to do the same at mine. I assure you that my cookies are very good. But get there quickly or The Tide might jump up and eat them before you have a chance.

The Tide has been pretty good this year, Santa, and I hope you will bring her lots of treats and maybe a big bag of Iams Weight Management dog food so that I won’t have to purchase one for a little while longer. Dog food can get expensive you know and I’m saving up for the big trip to France, after all. The Tide has lost another four pounds this past year making it a total of 20 pounds lost over the last five years! I’m so proud of her so make sure those treats are low fat if you don’t mind.

Speaking of France, Santa, if you could see fit, please allow Jackie to receive a big fat Christmas bonus so she can join me in Paris for a week this July. There’s nothing like being in the most romantic city in the world with your best friend who’s just as cynical about love as you are, or at least that’s what I’m guessing since I’ve never been.

For myself, I would like a new car, but I know that you’re not really into giving out cars at Christmas, or at least as long as I’ve known you, you haven’t been. So, if you could sprinkle some of your magic Santa dust and give my car enough spunk to last until August, I would appreciate it. That way I won’t have to worry with purchasing another automobile until I get back from France. Funny how everything revolves around France isn’t it?

I would also like a new toiletry stand or whatever you want to call it for my bathroom, but I know your elves don’t have time to make it and my dad hasn’t started on it either so I’m pretty sure I won’t be getting one even though I’ve done my best to be good this year. So, instead if you would just bring some surprises that would be nice. Oh and some skillets. I’ve needed some new skillets for quite some time and had planned on adding them to my wedding registry next year, but I think you probably know how that turned out. So, I would like to add that to the Christmas list instead.

I guess that’s it for now Santa. I hope Mrs. Claus has your suit all mended and ready to go for your big trip next week! The Tide and I will be waiting for you and I’ve instructed her not to bark when you arrive since you are obviously harmless and will be bringing us presents. Don’t forget to eat the cookies and drink the milk this year, Santa. I’ll be so disappointed if you don’t. Oh and we will leave out some carrots for Rudolph and the other reindeer as well. Be sure and stop by to see all of my friends as well. Fly safe!

Your loyal friend,

Natasha